"Umquhile"

Main Entry: umquhile

Pronunciation:

\ˈum-ku-while\

Function:

adverb

: former, formerly, late

archaic

Umquhile is my favorite word in the entire world.
It's just about the weirdest spelled word I've ever seen, and I enjoy leering as people try their best to pronounce it.
"But wait, it's not that great."
Completely false! The beauty of umquhile is that it's archaic. For any (wo)man worth h(is)er salt, it's clear that archaic is defined as "take creative license when in the mood." Basically, umquhile can morph into anything you want. Its color is bright and unique but touched with such a shade of obscurity that pretty much no one knows its meaning and you can toss it around as you like.
"Mark, sniping me in that game of Halo 3 was completely umquhile."
"Don't lie to me. Don't be such an umqhuile."
"Um...quhile you were gone? No... nothing happened..."
Versatility, beauty, obscurity. Everything you thought you wanted in a woman was in this word all along.